Lost Without Writing

It is Monday. A new week has begun. I like Monday because it gives me a sense that a new cycle has begun and that I could start a fresh. It is an opportunity to do better than the last. For some, at least in my own particular case, how we tackle our Mondays may set the tone on how we may tackle the rest of our week.

My week begun beautifully and productively. I woke up very early because I have to go to work. Now that I am back home from work, I allowed myself a cup of coffee and a peanut butter sandwich and instead of turning on the television, I am sitting behind my desk writing this particular blog entry.

Later I am planning to go to the city and run some errands. After dinner, I am hoping to spend enough time with my writing. One could say: so far so good.

Although my yester week did not entirely go to waste, because I made couple of things done that are also important, I was nonetheless unhappy because I did not get much writing done as I would have hoped. I could not say that I was too busy to write because writing schedules have already been established.

I have no work last weekend and it is not often that I am free on weekends. Those days could have been spent with my writing exercises, but I did not. Of course, I do not need the whole day to write. An hour or two (hopefully more) is already enough. The problem is, I did not write at all and the whole days of Saturday and Sunday last week were spent watching the whole season 12 Grey’s Anatomy, which is quite Captivating.

Aside from feeling guilty for not being able to write at least an hour a day last weekend, I also felt guilty because I have spent the whole consecutive two days watching Grey’s Anatomy. On every episode I watched, I promised that it will be the last and then I will start writing and before I knew it, it was already time for bed. I felt that I was in a rabbit hole from which I could not escape. I wanted to stop, but I could not. It was an addiction. This week, I do not want to be in that rabbit hole.

I acknowledge that there is no use to feel guilty for not writing. Like what I have already said, new week has begun and I do intend to start this new week a fresh. Yet at the same time, being guilty for not writing has a profound and personal meaning. That means that writing has become a part of my daily life and that I am lost without it.

I am really happy with how Monday has started this week. I have not turned-on the television yet and I hope that I will not do so until I have performed my writing exercises. Going to work today has given me a head start. If I did not go to work, I have spent all morning (or perhaps all day) procrastinating. Maybe, I have already watched a couple of episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and counting.

I am starting to believe that I am getting more things done when I have little time to do them than when I have the whole day. For instance, when I have the whole day free, then I have more time to procrastinate. But when I go to work, I manage my time more carefully.

My part-time job seems to warm me up and prepares me for a very productive, energetic, and inspiring day. While I am at work, I am also collecting my thoughts. In my mind, I have already begun writing. Perhaps, it is precisely because of my part-time job that I am able to write. Focusing on writing alone and spending the whole day writing, day after day, is scary and intimidating.

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