Autumn is absolutely gorgeous. It project a certain drama that other seasons do not have, which makes me also quite dramatic.
For instance, looking at this last dying rose makes me sad. I call this flower the late bloomer. All her sisters are already long gone and she is still here dying alone. Her presence reminds us of the winter ahead.
Whether you are catholic or not, you must admit that most catholic churches are absolutely gorgeous. This Apollinaris Church in Remagen Germany along the Rhine River is no exception. It is just breath taking that I just have to stop and see it! It is imposingly and strategically positioned on a top of a hill as if summoning everyone who sees it.
Do not get me wrong, I am very happy with my full-time job and grateful that I have one. But since I started with my day job recently, I barely have time at my disposal to engage with other activities that are stimulating both physically (running) and mentally (writing). Like any other day jobs, mine is consuming most – if not all – of my time and I need to learn how to manage my time more wisely, so that my life will be more well-rounded.
Early this morning, while it was still dark and cold, I was already on my way to work. And as I look at the full moon that was still shining so bright as I bike to work, I promised to myself that I must do some writing as soon as I get back home. Writing is one of the many things that I find fulfilling. Now that I am back from work, I am so exhausted to do anything at all, including the one that I love the most: writing.
September has started, which means that the new school year has resume. Students have resumed schools, colleges, and universities. The visibility of school supplies available for purchase reminds me of school.
Like the month of my birth, Christmas, and new year, the moth of August is also very significant to me. It is significant not only because it is the height of the summer, but also because it is the moth when I stopped smoking. I smoked my last cigarette – at least the last so far and hoping to be the last – on the 4th of August 2017.
I have already given-up the possibility to be a non-smoker and accepted that I smoking will be a part of my like, that I will smoke all my life. And yet here I am, after smoking my last cigarette for almost a year now, an ex-smoker blogging about being an ex-smoker or at least being able not to smoke.
Like what I have already mentioned in my previous blog, it has been a year since the last time I smoked. Indeed, I am very happy and proud of myself that I was able to stop smoking for a year now. While I acknowledge that I am weak in relation to my addiction and the temptations will always be present, I certainly hope that I will continue to be a non-smoker for many years to come. In my experience, I have come to realize that the success of the latter depends upon the recognition of the former: in order to deal with addiction, one has to recognize the power the addiction holds to the one being addicted.
In the past, I have already made two attempts to quit the nasty habit of smoking and sadly enough, also twice I have failed. The first lasted for six months while the second a year and a half. In those two previous attempts, I made promises to stop smoking and that the cigarettes I was smoking when the promises were made were the last ones I would ever smoke. And yet, I would find myself too weak to resist the strong urge to smoke.
Since last weekend, I have not smoked a cigarette for one whole year. It was on the 4th of August last year at exactly 14:00 when I smoked my last cigarette. I must say that I am proud of myself for this achievement. I think only smokers and ex-smokers can fully appreciate how rewarding and gratifying it is being able to stop smoking and continue to stop smoking for a year and – hopefully – beyond. I deserve to give myself a one year chip for not smoking.
Indeed, I am very proud of myself for being able not to smoke for one whole year since last weekend. I was a smoker and now I am liberated from the nasty addiction that has enslaved me for many years in the past. I thought I will never free from it. Somehow, I have accepted that I will be addicted to cigarette smoking for the rest of my life and that I would never be free from it. And yet here I am, an ex-smoker blogging about being an ex-smoker. I am not a smoker anymore. I find the ‘not smoker’ version of myself more pleasing than the one who was a smoker.